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inlimbo
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| 01/24/2012 4:14 PM |
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Someone recommended the FWO book to help me understand my wife while struggling with our marriage. I read it and could not help but feel that so many of the critical respect advice for women applied directly to my relationship.
On here i have read so many of the comments of women regarding the man's visual Rolodex. How about the positive side of that male aspect? How we can recall just what you looked like that first time we really noticed you? Or how you looked one some of our dates... or the memory of that incredible love-making session?
We are under the obligation to not load unwanted images, not to dwell on that attractive hostess or server, but it has been stated in more than one book/report that some of that burden rests on our spouse. I think Shaunti captures the essence of what a man needs in order to greatly lessen that impulse to do more than notice that attractive other woman! Rather than complain about how we are wired - practice using it to your advantage 
Men ARE capable of resisting and/or overcoming even to the point of abhorring the degrading porn that this society has so freely at our disposal. It sure helps to have the proper caring support from a loving, not condescending spouse.
After reading through the FMO book I would say that some of us don't fit the mold that is given for men:
I for one am the one who wants to discuss, work things out to a resolution, while my spouse is the one who walks away leaving things unresolved... leaving me the frustrated male vs the example of the frustrated woman.
I am the one who is always thinking about something - while she is the one that usually answers that she's not thinking about anything when I ask.
When I'm upset, I'm the one that needs the hug and she invariably gives me "space" i.e. leaves me to presumably calm down even though I have told her that nothing can melt my anger, frustration etc, better than to be held close by the one person who means the most to me.
I am the one who wants to talk about the relationship while she is the one who immediately becomes defensive and takes anything I say as criticism and puts all her emotional guards up...
I have been the one seeking to adorn her only to have countless (not cheap costume jewelry) rings, necklaces & earings only end up in a drawer.
I'm the one who wishes and tells her I'd like to see her in less frumpy clothes while she is content to wear the same OLD stuff..
So I'm really looking for help in how to work when neither one of us really fit the typical male/female models portrayed within the books...
It also helps to have read the 5 Love Languages so you know which one each of you needs most... |
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inlimbo
Posts:5
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| 01/25/2012 10:55 AM |
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| As I continue to read the FMO, I can see that there's a lot to learn for me in the "listening" section. Again however I am struck with how men are catagorized as being different from women when it is pointed out that women (unlike men) are capable of both emotion and logic in a discussion... I find that I AM very emotional in discussions, especially when dealing with relationship issues... My emotions tend to come out with a passion that causes my spouse to believe that I am angry, which in most cases I am not at all... I may be frustrated at the lack of understanding of the emotional impact a situation or behavior has on me, or that even though I have spoken from the heart about how I FEEL - it has not made any impact or caused any changes... When I'm angry, its usually (I think) pretty obvious.
Being a passionate, intense man is something that has caused my intentions to be misunderstood by both men and women. The only exception to that has been with Hispanics or French Canadians (I'm Caucasian) who seem to share the same passionate outlook and approach as I do.
Again, as I deal with these (to me) critical differences from the book's cited "norms" I would appreciate any advice on how to work through this in my relationship. |
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