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Tattooed4God
Posts:1
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| 11/24/2010 1:29 AM |
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I have just had the roomate talk with my wife, where she feels that we are just roomates. It has gotten to the point where I am picking on her for little things, almost acting like a bully. I explained to her, that the issue is not with her, but with me. I have felt I have not been living up to my role of a husband, so instead of dealing with it, I have been projecting it out on her. Last night I told her that her stomach could use some tonning up. Again this has to do with me being unhappy with myself. I know I hurt her real bad, and I think she is still sexy and beautiful, and I am still very much attracted to her, but I feel like the damage has been done.
I know what I need to change with myself to stop the "bullying" but how can I show her she is still beautiful without her thinking it is just superfical? I have a hard to showing emotions, and have not always been the best at telling how she looks. Now I am affraid if I do it, she wont buy it.
Thanks for any help or feedback. |
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Julie Fidler
Posts:172
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| 11/30/2010 9:33 PM |
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I don't have any great advice for you because I am fortunate enough to have a very caring, kind, gentle husband. However, I used to be quite ugly to him when I was living with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. It didn't get any better until I sought treatment for my problem, and went to counseling to deal with my past issues with sexual abuse and family addiction.
It sounds like you need to look inward and seek professional help in sorting those things out. And maybe your wife could use some help in getting over the hurt you've inflicted on her and the reasons why she ALLOWS herself to be bullied.
Blessings to you - it's not easy, but you can reclaim your marriage!
Julie |
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Hendo
Posts:5
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| 12/23/2010 6:56 PM |
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ok, first off i notice there isn't any real expression of sorrow in your post. you don't seem to actually feel the wrong here. you know that it is wrong but you're asking how to medicate a symptom, not solve the problem. please don't misunderstand, i'm not trying to be a jerk here, but seriously there are mental disorders that could easily contribute to apathy towards this type of situation and would explain the tone and request of your post. you may want to talk to a professional counselor.
to answer your question though look up the five love languages.
sort out your life, mate. you cannot fall without taking someone with you, and it's usually those who care about you most.
take care
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john
Posts:13
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| 09/07/2011 2:31 PM |
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Hey... this is easy, you can get it all back and more
First, this is going to sound harsh but its not, NOT LITERALLY, but you must be willing to die, inwardly.
Jesus said, "If you want to find your life, you must lose it" and "pick up your cross daily and walk after me", again he says "unless a single kernal of grain falls to the ground and dies, it does not bear fruit"
This speaks of more than being "unselfish" but speaks about a willingness to be loving, even when it sucks, even if she is being cruel or cold when you do it. Its a commitment to a mind set and an attitude in your heart that says, "not what I want, but what you want"
This doesnt mean that you are a door mat, if you are having difficulty understanding this, study how Jesus handled things in the gospels, if it is still unclear pray and ask for the Holy Spirit and ask Jesus in.
women are fragile, not in a chauvanistic sense, just in the simple fact that you are rough like sand paper and that would be ok if she was made of mahogany, but she is made of something way more delicate (not weak, because she has strength in areas that you arent equiped for) but the sand paper will tear her up, its like she needs a scalpel for surgery and you are tearing in with a chainsaw (sorry for being graphic), and on top of that, us men dont know exactly wear to cut, a scalpel is grievous even in a surgeons hands if not precise, thats something the holy spirit can do the cutting on.
"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" heb 4:12
YOU CAN WIN HER LOVE BACK.
But not with words
not with demands
not with your pain in the way
Love is a verb, and it requires actions
"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends." john 15:13
meditate on this, "There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's WIFE"
If this is an on going thing I recommend commiting to the LOVE DARE, its a challenge for you and requires much sacrifice, it will cost you.
http://thelovedarebook.com/
IF YOU LOVE HER, PROOVE IT
And i say all of this in love brother
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