Shaunti Feldhahn

Online Forums
Subject: eye contact
Prev Next
You are not authorized to post a reply.

Author Messages
MariposaUser is Offline

Posts:1

05/02/2009 9:56 AM  

My boyfriend rarely makes eye contact with me when we are talking. 

I had not taken this behavior that seriously until this last week.  He owns his own retail/wholesale business and it is a labor intensive business.  I showed up at the business unexpectedly one evening to see him and he and his employees were loading a truck to ship the next day.  He didn't acknowledge me and when I asked what I could do to help he didn't reply.  One of the employees instructed me on how to help and I did so until the truck was loaded.  Later that evening while at dinner and during the conversations when we were departing he avoided eye contact with me to the point of closing his eyes if he turned directly toward me.

I find this behavior confusing, as I am an eye contact type of person, and would like to better understand the reason behind the action in order to not compound the issue. 

I am nearly 40 and am 2.5 years out of a 19.5 year marriage and he is 44, engaged once but never married and no recent relationships.  I have known him for a year and we have been dating for six months.  He is reluctant to share his true feelings with me because he fears hurting me, this he has admitted to me.  I have not pursued a conversation with him about this because I would like him to open up to me as he feels comfortable doing so.

Insight would be helpful.

pianocatUser is Offline

Posts:2

05/17/2009 9:01 PM  
I cannot speak on the man's point of view--I can only tell you that I also have difficulty making eye contact with people, and I am a teacher! I am a shy person who has a hard time expressing myself unless I am NOT looking at a person--then it is easy! When I look someone in the eyes, I feel--I know it sounds strange--almost as if we are trying to hypnotize each other. I can't think straight when I talk and look someone in the eye--I totally blunder!
And when I need to say something with any fervency, or something that is hard to say, its extra hard to look someone in the eyes. I've also found myself closing my eyes while talkng to someone when I have to confront them or, to the opposite extreme, say something extra special.
Hope this helps. I think it's simply a personality quirk. But I also would like to hear others views on this...
You are not authorized to post a reply.



ActiveForums 3.7